And now..I try to live the SILENT part of my life

2004-12-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

CHANGING LANES

For some reason, which I am not sure of, I shall be joining the livejournal world. haha

You can still read my thoughts at www.livejournal.com/~dancing_it

see you friends *mwah*

2004-12-12T02:01:00.000+08:00

I'M THINKING...

I've been so praning lately, and for my friends who know why, well, don't tell anyone anymore aryt? I have told so many people already, so you don't need to do that. Anyway, I went to a rock/alternative (but really more HEAVY ROCK) gig last night. This is like my first after 4 straight years of not really being involved with the rockers. Oh yeah, I used to be part of the rocker group before, that was way before ok? so don't ask. before, rock, now hiphop. I didn't have a choice. Who would want to witness street dance people performing on a stage which is about to collapse because of heavy extortion and drum rolls???And has anyone of you actually seen a rocker mingling with a hiphop dancer? well, except of course if they're friends.

I don't know for what reason, but one friend of mine, a rockista to be specific, told me that when he asked his bandmate if she(the bandmate) knows me, a dancer, the girl goes..."dancer?ewww..." What the...? Well, we can't blame her right? Ika nga, OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE.

Anyway, and so I went to the gig with one new found friend, CES (she's super cool, listens a lot to a person--ME, who talks a lot!!). I was actually hesitating to go inside the bar at first because it was a very new atmosphere for me, and even if i was outside, my ears were already hurting because of the loud music. There are a lot more reasons, though, why there was hesitation at first. Haha, when I finally went in, as I've thought, I was the only one inside wearing somewhat "urban, funky" clothes, with my light blue trucker cap, light blue shirt, blue stretch pants, white garrison belt and tadaaa...white sneakers. And to top it all, I was holding a very thick clear book containing all my things in school and my UPSTREETDANCE CLUB jacket, which by the way, is colored WHITE..how odd.It was like I'm a kid amidst the gothic-clad crowd. Everybody was wearing black,brown,maroon,red...basta..dark colors, paired with their intentionally-torn jeans and chucks. Hay, good thing CES and I were both out of place, she came from her office and was in her corporate attire. Inside the bar, I was wishing that my friend's band would finish soon so I can go home already. I couldn't stand the cigarette smoke inside!!and people shouting at each other because of the loud music.

When my friend's band played, Ces and I were seated at the back of the bar. We were approximately 3 meters from the stage and I was very hopeful that I won't get palpitations because the music won't be that loud at that distance. But NO...as soon as they played, I felt like my eardrums are already begging for my help. I look around and see EVERYONE enjoying. Tutok na tutok pa sila sa banda!! Grabe, these people are like hello???Are you deaf???

Anyway, it's a good thing we watched only my friend's band and another more subtle band, whose rhythm guitarist, by the way, is cute.hehe.. Bad thing, I got sick--specifically, itchy throat plus running nose, because of all the smoke I inhaled..And my UPSTREETDANCE jacket, actually my whole wardrobe smelled like cigarette smoke. Hay, patience.I went home, thinking how going back to my past world--the rocker world, would mean a lot of adjustments for me. That includes, having my eardrum intensified and sound-proof, and having my lungs smoke-proof. But I believe it's gonna be worth it. I should probably go with CHinky to more gigs (which she said are more brutal) so I would eventually get used to it. hopefully.

I've been so praning for the past few days but I don't wanna share why na. I'm already praying for it and yesterday, I realized It was just plain kapraningan that's driving me nuts and making me so restless. Let's just wait for God's answer. Anyway, that would be the best one. ryt?

*wink* I bought two pairs of swim suit and a black flowery pair of board shorts from Macy and Niña's garage sale. However, the pink suit, which I liked most, is too small for me. I would have to exchange it for the orange-and-pink one tomorrow. I'm so excited to go to the beach. Hope I can swim before the year ends, I want to get dark..no..tan.hehe.. If you would want to invite me to a pool party, I'm willing to come, I want to try on the new suits.hehe.

2004-12-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

EMOTIONS

I am confused. I am kinda confused with what's happening now. Maybe this will all come to pass. I feel that I've sinned because of what I've been doing. How will I be able to raise up women of faith if my heart is not pure? Sorry Lord. I need to be forgiven.

I wonder why a lot of girls want to indulge in these issues-- love life, relationships. I don't know why they enjoy this. It's so confusing. I am not yet ready for this. This is TRUTH.

Please do pray for me. I need peace in my heart.

2004-12-02T03:19:00.000+08:00

YUMMMMM...

It was so sulit to get home early, I had the chance to eat dinner with my family. Missed Mama's yum recipes..and missed seeing the whole family together around the dining table. Now was my chance. And guess what was served for dinner???

Shrimp sauteed in oyster sauce..hehe..ultimate pig-out.

THE POWER OF THREE

My sisters and I took pictures a while ago before the two of them dozed off to dreamland.
Here's our favorite.

The power of the tongue plus the power of three.

NOw it's my turn to go to dreamland...zZzZZzzZzZz..

2004-12-01T01:49:00.000+08:00

MR. SNOWMAN ON THE LOOSE

It is literally freezing cold in my room, to think i didn't even open the fan, and my gas...the window is just partly open for crying out loud!! Which reminds me that it's DEcember already. Oh my, Christmas is coming soon! Parang hindi happy..ulit..Yey! Christmas is coming soon. Ayan, that's more like it.

Speaking of christmas, people already have their wishlists..i think i want to try listing down a few of my wishes. To avoid plagiarism (did i spell it correctly?), I shall be attaching reasons/justifications beside my wishes. Feel free to be an instant Santa Claus to grant me any of my wishes, hehe:

1. More free time -- for my cell group and 121 sessions

2. New Laptop -- to make sure feasib, 186, 191 files don't pile up anymore

3. New Digicam -- to practice my photography skills ( I might have some undiscovered/untapped talent, you know..)

4. NOKIA 6260 or 7260 (I don't know if i got the model right, basta it's the one with the colorful commercial) -- wala lang, i just want a new fone

5. New CD Burner -- to burn all the music I can..wahahaha

6. New Computer Set -- to adorn my room, so i can give this computer to my sisters.(kunwari generous)

7. New generously-paying RAKET -- i want to go back to teaching dance, if i can't dance pa. and i want to save money for a lot of things (that BLOCKADA trip makes me so worried with finances, goodbye thailand, hehe)

8. Completely healed and restored right shoulder which will never be injured again and which will be super duper functional as in totally functional for dance, for sport, for anything-- do i need to explain this?

9. Ceramic Braces (is that really ceramic? i mean the Clear, not-so-obvious ones) -- i want my teeth fixed na and i don't want to look bad with the metal. (grabe, ang baba ng self-esteem, hehe)

10. Salvation for my parents -- Save the best and most coveted wish for last. I love you Ma and Pa.

there you have it..my wonderful and very interesting wishlist. Unleash the Santa Claus in you!

P.S. Can i add this one?

11. Electric Guitar for my youngest sister -- i know this is supposed to be my wishlist, but it's her birthday on Friday. Love you sis.

2004-11-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

TOO MUCH REST

I usually say this statement but all those times I was lying. I just didn't want anyone to think I am putting too much time and effort in dancing. But now, it's actually true. My worst nightmare..I am having too much rest from dancing.

September 28, 2004, UP THEater, I got injured for the third time, same shoulder, same hospital, same doctor. I hope I'm not bitter, but I think it might have hurt me too much. I was back in the competing team, and the following day, I would be dancing for the competition I wished so hard to be part of. BUt then...INJURY.

My mentor told me I should take some rest muna, but NO, being the Hard-headed girl I was, I danced for one of our church youth gatherings, with extreme shoulder movements. Mr. Mentor got to chance to watch me, and even if it was hard for him to tell that to me.. He said I would really have to take a break from dancing.

And now, after 2 months, I am still on rest. The worst thing is..I am getting fat again. THis is true friends, I have to wear LOW RISE pants just so my Big and Flubber-like tummy won't pop out and say "HELLO FRIENDS!!". I am so lazy to even do sit-ups. and my arms, my gas...flubber welcome to the real world. I hope I can get back to action before I lose my jaw line again. Hay, stress..

CRY BABY

I saw my friends dance on TV in a show held in Araneta. I must admit..I am so envious. These days, it's so hard for me to be happy for my friends, who can dance and train. Maybe I'm bitter. But I don't want to stay this way. Oh Lord help me. I want to obey, but please I need to have a pure heart.

HOLD ON

I'm still doing my therapy exercises at home, but I skipped 2 sessions already. I know I would have to be more disciplined if I want to get back to my dancing shoes again. My shoes are stinking on the shoe rack because of prolonged rest. They would have to be used soon. Anyway, I'm still trusting that God would allow me to go back to the club and train. But discipline would have to come from me first. For my friends who have never failed to include me in their prayers...Thank you so much. You don't know how much that means to me.

2004-11-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

BACK IN ACTION

Oh yes..for my gorgeous friends who have almost memorized my last entry, here i am..I was actually about to erase this journal because i can't find time and the drive to actually write down my thoughts. But thanks to my addict BLoGGER friends: tiepee and roan, i'm here updating my blog. Hope you're happy now girls( oops, i hope that didn't sound sarcastic)

It's just the second week of school and I am so stressed out already. Maybe because I've been thinking too much lately..Thinking about things ranging from the simple ones such as how i would finish my write-up, up to the most complex and inappropriate ones like if i get an employment offer from P&G and Unilever, which one should I choose? Haay, maybe I'm just too excited for graduation. Anyway, i got my application for graduation from Ate Zeny today, it's so unbelievable.It's just like yesterday that i got in the university, oh well, pre_graduation jitters as they say..

I checked out my BLOCKADA friends in Stat this afternoon. Although I waited for quite a long time, it was truly worth it. Seeing everyone again made me realize how much time has passed already, and I realized I miss them so much. NO BOLA girls, it's actually nice of you to start the conversation right away you arrived 'coz i almost cried when i saw all of you. You've changed alot! ( I mean not in a bad way) YOU all look so pretty, especially Tiepee and Jamie ( the rebonding thing really worked, you girls convinced me to finally go to the salon and have my hair fixed, hehe). I wonder why people say Tiepee is fat..grr...To those people, all i can say is: HOW THIN ARE YOU BA MARE??? Even IF YOU'RE SOMEONE 5 ft. 11 inches tall weighing 10 exact pounds, you don't have the right to step on someone's foot ok? GO HOME and PRAY..in a while you should've known what the word FAT means. I don't mean to be RUDE, but we're all EQUAL. stop discriminating.

*****

RECONCILIATION

Anyway.HAPPY thoughts.I am now relieved knowing that I have already talked to Roan and have said everything (mmm..make that almost everything) i need to say about his special someone. I have to be honest but I almost died in shock when I heard the news. (SOrry girl, i don't mean to offend you). But now, it's ok.When i read her blog yesterday and sensed that something must be wrong, I realized it's unfair for me to even make tampo. I can't blame her, I haven't been even present all the time. I'll try to make it up to BLOCKADA. After seeing them this afternoon, I've come to realize that FIRST LOVE really NEVER DIES. You guys are really my first love. I LOVE FRIENDS, hay..they never fail to keep you up even in your lowest moments. And no matter what they do, or what happens between any of you, you still enjoy each other's company, you still can laugh at the simplest jokes and remarks, you can overlook every offense.

To BLOCKADA for letting me be what I am now. (Rosselle, cry later please...), I want you to keep in your hearts this verse I love so much.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

DISCLAIMER: For my other friends who will have a chance of reading this, I know this is a MUSHY one. BUt ADMIT it, you can RELATE..I mean everything.

2004-08-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

WORTH THE WAIT

The typhoon brought a super heavy downpour. Industry Orientation Seminar for graduating students was cancelled. GOOD THING..YES. But NO, because I was already super awake when I learned that it was cancelled. Anyway, the postponement of our training made up for that. BAD THING is that I couldn't go back to sleep again. I decided to go through my assignments, but I ended up recording tracks from CDs to my computer. Okay, okay..so I'm unproductive..so what? It's just this day that I get to REST..Contradictions not allowed.;)

Clemence called me and said she was coming over to hang out. Ooohh, so our house is MALL-like huh? haha.. We watched FACE-OFF and can I say I was super freaking out!! Okay, so I watched it for the first time, sorry, but I really don't like watching films when they're on the headlines. Maybe because I don't like to appreciate the movie just because other people do. And I don't want giving the same comments people give. Hehe. Weird?

After watching the film, Clemence and I chatted. And soon after, the conversation ended up to the ever-famous-question-as-soon-as-you-reach-20...

"May boyfriend ka na?" she said.

"Wala no.." I replied, without looking at her.

"Eh nanliligaw?" hirit pa talaga..

"Wala rin no.." I said, while thinking of a way to change the topic

"Huuu...baka ayaw mo lang sabihin." She said one more time, with the WIDE GRIN on her face

Good thing she stopped there. I told her I really wasn't in for that thing yet. I even said that I'm praying for the MAN, but I don't think I want my prayer to be answered right away. I'm just too busy with a lot of things, and I really am not yet ready to enter into a serious relationship. Besides, I know God has already planned whom the MAN would be, I just have to wait for His perfect timing, and everything will go smoothly. NO more HIGHSCHOOL HEARTACHES...crying over crushes, stalking slightly, and making pacute. I am just too old to be involved in those kinds of things.

After everything I've said. All I got for an answer was...

"Wag ka magsalita ng tapos..." of course, with a WIDER GRIN on her face this time.

I don't know about my friend, but I know it's really worth the wait. Don't you think so?

***********

FLUID..FLOWS AGAIN

Resumes for graduating students are due on Friday, and I haven't finished mine yet. I actually tried accomplishing mine last Tuesday, because I thought it was the last day for submission. I ended up not including my work experience as an assistant instructor last summer, because I presume I would have to include work experiences related to what I'm applying for. And I don't think DANCING is in any way related to SALES, or MARKETING, except for promotions, of course. But this is the corporate world we're talking about, and I think it has to be STRAIGHT BUSINESS.

I watched Floy Quintos' FLUID in FC with my HUM2 classmates. I didn't expect that I would enjoy watching it, considering that I went all the way from home to UP just to watch the 7pm show. But I saw myself in the play. I saw my current crisis.

For days now, I've been wondering what my career would be after I graduate. Yes, I want to go into the corporate world, but when people ask me what I love doing...of course I always say with conviction that it's DANCING.

Lately, as a graduating student, I have been constantly bombarded with things about the REAL WORLD. Resumes, seminars, interviews...haaaayyy...I just can't help but think if I made the right decision to continue dancing in college, rather than focus on my studies. I always hear my heart say that what matters most is that you do what you want to do. However, with the situation in the country today, and with what's happening to many graduates, I can't help but go back to thinking again, what would other people say if they knew about my college life? Would they say I wasted my time in dancing? Or would they appreciate the exercise of my passion?

And then, the play FLUID. I heard the lines I've long waited to hear.

"If you are an artist, PUBLIC OPINION never matters, as long as you do what you love to do, you express what you want to feel." (paraphrased)

After watching the play, I went home smiling and feeling so light. I am not alone and I am not worthless. I know God has given me this talent for me to use it, not for me to have second thoughts on what God is asking me to do.

At the end of the day, it's really a matter of whom you offer your plans to, whom you TRUST, and whom you ask for guidance. Art is like FLUID, it flows naturally out of human expression and passion.

God’s plan for my life too, is like FLUID, as long as I choose to obey it and go with the flow.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's plans that prevail"

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Proverbs 16:3

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

'Nuff said. He’s ENOUGH.

2004-08-23T01:47:00.000+08:00

NOCTURNAL

At last, after half a day of sitting in front of my PC, i was able to finish writing my part for our case study due tomorrow. I was actually expecting that I would finish it in 3 hours, but I think my calculation has been oh sooo wrong. I actually underestimated the case study, it was the longest case I've ever analyzed. Oh my, how do these people even think of formulating these case studies. Enough of these...I never dreamt of being a NERD.

Right now, I am not sure if I am making sense. All I know is that I am half asleep, and I am just waiting for the other half before I finally reunite with my bed, which, by the way has new bed covers..I told you, I am not making any sense..hehe.

Being used to sleeping at about 2 to 3 in the morning makes me feel that I haven't totally recovered from INSOMNIA. I'm more like an OWL right now, awake while everybody else in this house is hopping and skipping in dream land. My situation is actually weird, when I'm at home, I can't sleep, when I'm in school, I can't help but fall asleep, especially over boring lectures. Oh well, I guess the latter situation is normal. Tell me if you've never done that...I'll treat you to lunch, or better yet, I'll bring you to my college and have you sit in my classes. Haha. Bright idea.

ANOTHER ONE FROM THE PAST

Yesterday was a great, stressful, confusing, kilig, selos, smiley, in short ...totally WEIRD day. Guess where I was? McDo Katipunan, celebrating one of my past crushes' daughter's 1st birthday. Haha, how weird. Aside from the food, which I was actually craving for before training even started, I enjoyed one more thing-- Being with Past crush again. (I can just see the wide grin on your face)

Last Friday, I received a text message from someone, it read:

hi mec2, kuya __ mo to.
punta ka mcdo katipunan 4pm. :)
pinagpaalam na kita kay tita guada. :)

ME (smiling), a little bit disappointed because I had class until 7pm that day.

sori kuya, may class ako hnggng 7pm,
bday ng baby mo? hapi bday!
next time na lang. promise. tnx :)

HE: mgcut ka na!!! joke lng. sige pag may time
ka tomorrow punta ka na lang.:)

Turns out the party will be held the next day. haha..slow me.

The next day, I had training with the compet team in City Lifestyle. Every Saturday, we have jazz classes up until 8pm so I wasn't expecting that I could still come to the party. But then, things turned out my way, we were done by 430 pm! How weird can that get? My mom texted me and told me to go there asap. So I took a shower (speaking of preparation), changed from basura clothes to matino outfit. My dance mates were actually looking at me from head to foot, and were asking "What's with the outfit?". I just told them I was going to meet my mom somewhere in Katipunan. Good thing there weren't any follow up questions.

To make the long story short, I arrived at Mcdo, and guess who stood up and opened the door to welcome me? Oh yes, Mr. Past Crush. His dialogue was: "Uwi ka na ba after? Sabay ka na sakin." My jaw almost dropped, good thing my mom was there, I had to be composed.

He is my mom's bestfriend's son. He was this shy type of guy whom I see whenever there are family excursions sponsored by my mom's company. He's a great swimmer.

But what I liked about him the most was that he's super quiet (opposites attract,haha). PROOF: For almost 8 years that we have known each other, it was only when I went to UP for my college education that he spoke to me, and this is like for 3 times pa lang in 4 college years. Haha..

I liked him before, a lot (emphasis please). There was even this time when my friends and I were stuffed inside a small car, the windows weren't tinted but we boldly passed by their tambayan to check out if he was there. But before we even reached the tambayan, my stomach was violently turning around because I was so nervous. Good thing I was in the front seat, so I was able to hide.

How did I get over the fact that I like him? Three major reasons (1) HE is an active member of a fraternity in UP, (2) HE got her girlfriend preggy while he was on his two-time stage, (3) HE is madly, deeply inlove with her girlfriend of the longest time, which i presume would be her fiance any time soon.

And the most obvious reason: HE was ALWAYS my kuya. He always treated me like his baby sister, maybe because he had none. But yesterday was different.

Going back, inside Mcdo, we talked talked and talked about things which were really shallow. School, friends from UP, blah, blah, blah. He introduced me to his highschool friends, because aside from them, all of the people in the party were either too young or too old for me to be CHUMS with.

After the party, my mom and I headed to the door. This time, I remembered what he said when he welcomed me earlier. So I asked my mom, "Ma, pano tayo uwi?". Before my mom could even utter a word, he said "Sa front seat ka na ha?". Again, my jaw almost dropped in fascination. But...mom was there, no chance to make pa-cute. I was carrying two big bags full of clothes but I felt so light. Yikes..kilig moments.

So I sat there, clueless of what would happen for the next hour of our trip. We were waiting for him to finish paying for the party bills. As soon as he sat next to me, I was super quiet. From Katipunan to Libis, we weren' t talking to each other. And then he broke the ice "Traffic na sa Libis no?". "Sabado kasi, maraming tao" was all I can say, without looking at him. And so we talked, then after a few moments there was Dead air, shallow talk again, and then dead air. The artistic interplay (haha, I like these words) of dead air and shallow talk happened for an hour. Just imagine!!!

As we got near our house, I was slightly nodding and singing to what was playing on the radio. Then he turned it to another station, I looked at him and he said, "Gusto mo ba yun?" I just said it's ok. What played on the radio was a tagalog song, more on the alternative genre, but the lyrics is something about relationship, blah blah. "Try mo makinig ng mga ganitong songs" he said. I told him I get the chance to listen to that kind of song because of my younger sister. And he said "ok". Then it was time to go down and say bye, he said "Thank you Mec." I said thank you, but I didn't look at him until I was out of the van. He smiled and it was past revisited for me. I missed that smile. I've never seen him smile for a long time, probably because he was worrying a lot about what has been happening to his life.

When I reached home, I was more than happier, because now I know I've got CLOSURE. That's what I needed.

I know this entry seems to be very vague and may not make sense at all. After the long story, I just realized that there are some things in the past that you would have to leave behind so you can enjoy more of your future. There may be instances when you would have to go back and settle things, but after that...MOVE ON.

Monsters in the past become stronger whenever you look behind your back and regret that you ever had to sacrifice. Worse is that you may never be able to move forward the moment monsters in the past get all your energy. You become wasted. There's this Greek myth about this, I just can't remember it.

I'm more than contented and glad now that I've seen that SMILE on his face again.

I am READY to move on.

2004-08-10T01:33:00.000+08:00

PAST, PAST, PAST...present, and future.

Have you ever had this experience when the first time you met a guy, you were actually CRUSHING on him already? You tried to make PACUTE, but sorry gurl, it just didn't work. And then, after being so successful in forgetting that you are actually crushing on him and that he actually exists, he makes a move and tells you he likes you? And so the kilig moments make the moon and the stars shine brighter that night. Crazy world.

If you don't believe me, well help me believe this is not true too. Grrr...I should enjoy this right? But then I don't. The thought of this PAST makes me so sick. Nah, seriously, there's still the kilig factor in it, but in a few minutes it becomes the EEEK type of thing.

I can't believe I'm actually writing this entry, good thing only a few people know I'm a BLOGGER...nyahahahaha!!!

Ok... so there's this one guy, we met when I was in 2nd year high school (oh my! 6 years ago???) through a common cousin (her dad and my mom are siblings, her mom and his mom are siblings). GOT IT? It was the Fiesta Night in the province so there were a lot of visitors from other places. Everybody's getting ready for the DISCO Night. Together with my other cousins, I went to common cousin's house to fetch her.( I think it would be better if we call her that name, she wouldn't want her name published anywhere, hehe) Turns out he ( the guy) was there with his friends, so common cousin introduced us, dad's side cousins, to the mom side's cousins and other friends. And so yeah, he was absolutely crushable ( I can't believe I'm using this word.). Tall, super nice body frame ( if i may mention, formed biceps, triceps, chest and abs), nice lips, nice eyes, and very fair complexion (this actually shocked me since he lived in the province all his life!). So, yes, I examined him really well since I noticed all these qualities. haha, so highschool!!!

Hahahaha. threen, don't squeal please! Between us ok????

The getting-to-know part was highlighted by the controversial Handshake. I felt so nervous and embarrassed, since everybody, including my super strict and protective guy cousins, were looking at us. So I let go of the grip, and headed off to the disco with my cousins.

Later that night, we danced in groups. You know, the typical form-a-circle-and-then-one-will-go-to-the-center-and-dance type of thing. Their circle was just beside ours. And so you know what happened. Their group tried to join ours, but thanks to my super-suplado cousins, they weren't able to.

By the time the sweet music was turned on, the circles were deformed and we all sat down to rest for a while. Surprisingly, a guy approached us ( I was talking to my cousin, and I didn't look up, so I didn't notice that he was the guy) and asked if he may dance with...ME. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard my name! This was like, my worst nightmare, someone asking you to dance. I considered it the most mushy thing in the world ever. Back then, I considered it degrading, since my cousins and I laugh at ladies who are being asked out by men. And it was actually happening to me that night!! My face was burning from embarrassment as I tried to picture the reaction on my cousins' faces. Before looking up to the guy, I was actually wishing that I was just dreaming, but then, as I looked up, I saw his face. And I became the worst CHEESE BALL ever!!!

I looked at my cousins and as I expected, they were trying to hide the boisterous laughter. But then, they said it would be impolite to reject the offer, so what did I do? I stood up and began living my nightmare. My cousins and my sisters partnered up and were all around the two of us as we danced. It was like the longest dance ever! My super-kulit cousins kept on telling him from time to time that we have to go home, but he was holding me so tight on the hips I knew he wasn't listening to them. He asked a lot of questions--where I was studying, how often I visit my cousins in the province, and a lot more serious questions, which I won't disclose because I don't want to be laughed at again. To make the long story short, the night ended and he asked if he could walk me home, with my cousins around me of course. When we reached home, I realized I kinda liked the feeling that night. "Ang haba ng hair ko!" was all I could think of in my mind.

While I was brushing my teeth that night, my super favorite cousin, my ATE, said, "Type mo no?".

"Ha?..hindi ah!" I said as I looked away from her.

The next morning I found myself smiling. Yuck no?

But then, a lot of mornings passed and years passed. But I never had the chance to see him again. Except for last year when I saw him pass by our family house riding his motorbike.

And then yesterday, someone texted me. Familiar name. But I couldn't remember who this person was, so I asked "Sino to? di kita matandaan sori."

Guess who the texter was???? oh yes, you got it. It's him.

He asked me how I was--school and other stuff. We talked about our common cousin. And then, after ten million more text messages, he asked. "Pede ba ko manligaw?"

Shocked as I was. I texted him "Bahala ka, pero di kita bibigyan ng assurance. Ayoko pa magkaBF."

He texted back. "Ok lang. I will wait."

And now, I'm confused. Did I give him the right answer or what? I really don't want to be bothered by these kind of things right now. I don't enjoy it. And now, the i-don't-want-to-be-a-cheeseball feeling is back again.

As I did one-to-one with my discipleship babies, I realized they were all facing the same problem, and all I can think of saying to them (before this situation happened to me) was "Ikaw na lang ang umiwas, kasi temptation yan. Ganyan lang talaga sa una, parang mahirap, masasanay ka rin."

And now, I try to say that to myself. Maybe God is trying to get me an experience so I can counsel my babies better.

Oh well, I choose to see it on that perspective.

Advices, comments, and suggestions are very much welcome.

2004-08-06T03:54:00.000+08:00

THANKFUL

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

MATTHEW 7:7

"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?"
MATTHEW 7:11

These are the most appropriate verses for my situation right now. Would you believe it? I will actually be dancing in GARY VALENCIANO's THANKFUL concert later. This entry may be the weirdest and super dramatic I would ever post, but please bear with me…it’s GARY V. you know????

To start off, Sir J and the rest of the club announced early in the semester that the Club has been invited to perform an intermission number in Gary V’s concert in CCF. Ate Mycs joked about it in front of the compet team and Sir J.

“Sir J, gusto daw sumali ni Rosselle sa Gary V. intermission”

“very funny..” I exclaimed in my mind as I tried to hide my embarrassment.

That moment, I didn’t know what I exactly wanted to do. I wanted to slap Ate Mycs and scream to the top of my lungs “SHUT UP!!”, but at the same time, I wanted to actually THANK her and HUG her for blurting out what I had in mind at that very moment.

Oh yes, dancing with Gary V. was like my long-time dream. Believe it or not, I prayed for that, stopped for a little while, and then prayed harder the moment I saw Shayna’s picture with him during the CCF concert. But then, my prayers were mostly “unfaithful” prayers. I asked God to give me the opportunity, but I didn’t believe He could actually allow that to happen…and this SOON??? NO WAY! Nevertheless, I still continued to pray and I tried to have A LOT MORE FAITH.

Two weeks ago, Kuya Alfred and Kuya Melvin approached me and asked me if I would want to join an evangelistic show and work with 5 other churches. I wanted to say YES immediately, but then, that week we were preparing for the Maximum Groovity competition, so I told them I would ask for Sir J’s permission first.

The moment I knew that JM was also gonna join the evangelistic show, I asked him to ask permission for both of us. I texted JM after several days, and he told me Sir J said YES.

I immediately informed Kuya Alfred and I started planning in my mind how I would manage my schedule for the week of the evangelistic concert, but I chose to block out exact dates in my mind because it was midterms week, and just knowing that it’s a Monday, a Tuesday, a Wednesday, and so on instead of remembering that it’s August 3, 4 or whatever, sort of helped me be less pressured of my upcoming exams.

During our competition in Ateneo last Friday, I actually told Sir J what I dreamt about that same morning.

“Sir J, napanaginipan ko nagpa-picture daw kami ni Gary V.!”

“Talaga? (Sir J, super smiling) Inakbayan ka ba niya?”

Me, very enthusiastic as I recounted, “Ha? Di ko na matandaan eh..”

“hehehe (Sir J, laughing this time) baka sumingit ka lang sa picture!”

Me, kinda bitter, “hindi no, hmmmp, pag nagkatotoo yun Sir lagot kayo sakin.”

Still smiling “Sige, kaw bahala”.

I presume Sir J knew what the show was all about already and so he acted this way when I told him about my dream.

The next day, Saturday, I met Kuya Alfred in Youth on Fire and he told me the schedule of the rehearsals. Monday and Tuesday in CCF Ortigas, and technical dress rehearsal on the venue, which Kuya Alfred stressed out that he wouldn’t tell me until Monday. Oh well, as if I cared at that time. I was super tired to even be all excited about the venue. He even asked me if I could go that afternoon to the first rehearsal, however, I was more than exhausted that day because I haven’t had enough sleep and I was really getting restless trying to find a way on how I could possibly study on Sunday for 3 of my upcoming exams. So, I said NO and told him I would just go to the next rehearsal at an earlier time so I can study the steps.

Kuya Sherwin, JM and I ate at McDonald’s near CCF before we went to the rehearsal room last Monday. When we were still in UP, JM mentioned that the TDR would be in Araneta, but slow me, I still didn’t realize what the show would be! We chatted at McDonald’s and Kuya Sherwin kept on telling me that I seem to have a prophetic gifting (meaning what I say becomes true) and that I could prove what he said as soon as we reach CCF. I was confused, since I had no idea what he was talking about.

Before the rehearsals started, Kuya Alfred called for Kuya Sherwin and I outside.

Kuya Alfred: “Rosselle, alam mo na ba kung para saan ‘tong gagawin natin?”

Me, trying to squeeze out of my brain all the details I know about what we were doing. “Evangelistic show diba?”

During this time, Kuya Sherwin and Kuya Alfred were looking at each other and were smiling.

So I said… “Ok, alam ko lang evangelistic show, work with 5 other churches, TDR on Thursday Araneta..”

Kuya Alfred: "Teka ano bang date sa Friday?”

Me: “August 6..” still thinking and trying to connect all details

Me again: “oh… my… gosh…!! Totoo ba to?” super surprised, screaming with eyes wide open after thinking hard and realizing it was Gary V’s concert.

I was really super happy that day that I was smiling all the time during rehearsals. We were practicing when Gary V. arrived and took a video of our dance. I was really STARSTRUCK!! TWO WORDS: TOO STRONG!!!

I was also able to talk to Gabriel, Gary’s son. Super nice boy, funny and makulit. He was not this I’m-the-son-of-GaryV.-so-backoff type of guy, he was actually joking around all the time during rehearsals. I was really so blessed. JM took a picture of Gary V with me, Lau and Nina. I knew my face was tomato-red and my smile almost reached heaven!! But who cares??? I’ve got a picture of him!

THE BEST PART OF THAT DAY: After the picture-picture scene, MR. Gary V. gave me a tip on how to do the FLOAT (it’s the modified version of Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk) How Super AMAZING can that get??? That night, as I went home, the rain was pouring so hard, but I felt like I was floating in the clouds!!

Today, rehearsals ended really late, I got home at 2am but I feel so light, I feel so happy. Before running the dance with Gary V, Kuya Sherwin was jokingly slapping my face, saying he wants me to wake up from this dream. The big day is coming, and I still can’t believe I’m actually gonna be there upstage with Gary V. I admire him so much. So in love with God and so servant-hearted. He never stops believing in other people. I admire his HIGHLY OPTIMISTIC perspective of life. No words can explain how I actually feel right now. It’s already 330 in the morning and I don’t feel too sleepy yet. Mr. PURE ENERGY’s stamina may have been passed on to me already, besides, He’s gonna be running beside me on the 1st part of the dance!

Before we went home a while ago, we watched Gary V. rehearse some of his songs. He was singing one song when suddenly Kiana, his daughter, appeared on stage from the background and brought a cake. Confetti was all over Gary V. as people sang the “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” song and his family and friends went up the stage to greet him. I was so amazed; I can’t believe I was actually witnessing the celebration of Gary V’s birthday right in front of my eyes.

As you can see, I am so OVERWHELMED, and I think it will take a long time for me to get over this feeling. I am just SO HAPPY. And I know God is happy too! I thank God for giving me this wonderful opportunity. Once again, He has proven how aMAGNIFICENT and LOVING GOD He really is. I am believing, together with the rest of my dancemates, that tomorrow, a lot of lives will be changed. My life has been changed tremendously by this experience, and having taken a peak of how the evangelistic concert will go, I believe it wouldn’t just be Gary V and us who will be THANKFUL to the Creator and His Son Jesus, but it will be all the audience.

THANKFUL two weeks ago for me, was just the title of Gary V’s birthday concert. Now, it actually describes me as God’s creation. Now I really feel that I am GOD’s princess.

THANK YOU LORD! YOU ARE ENOUGH!

2004-07-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

BITTERNESS...UNTIL I GET TO RECOVER

This is not my original post..Thanks to my very stone age computer, which I presume, like what Threen has said, is infected by this worm...my original post has been erased and is now part of a miserable history..grrr... Do you sense the bitterness here???

Anyway, now that I can't remember how I started writing my ORIGINAL post, and that I lost the mood to actually update my blog, I really can't say anything. Except that I'm really furious thinking that I spent like... 3 hours of my time writing the POST of the YEAR. Why POST of the YEAR? BEcause the post I was supposed to post but was not posted but was ERASED!!!, is my favorite post so far. ( NOw, can you feel the bitterness here???) Oh Lord, forgive me, but I really do feel bad. Give me patience...

After everything I've said (which I know doesn't make sense), I therefore conclude that TECHNOLOGY makes people bitter.

2004-06-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

SHORT CUTS

SCENE 1: Outside AFP Theater, during the CR break of the ORANGE concert

SIR J: "Rosselle, mag-a-active ka ba sa club..?"
ME: (while jumping and trying to act like I'm not sick) "OO naman sir..." (with a BIG BIG smile)

Everybody smiling this time, with ME trying to catch my breath and to forget that I am burning with my fever and oblivious of what was happening around me.

SIR J:(looking at everybody, eyes sparkling this time) "One down!!"

Everybody gives out a doubtful-laugh-of-some-sort.

ME: (confused )Bakit? Ano yun?

SIR J: (doing NO help and making me more confused by not answering my question) "Eh si Katha, mag-a-active?..." (with that doubtful smile on his face again)

ME: (without actually THINKING that I was putting Katha in deep trouble) "Syempre naman sir, UN PA!"

SIR J: (addressing everybody else, except ME of course) "THen we are settled..hehehe"

SCENE 2: Inside AFP theater, while concert was proceeding.

"toot toot, toot toot"

1
message
received

FROM: Threen Macy
Congrats Threen! I'm so happy to know
that I'm passing on the position to you!
I know you can do it.
Luv you.*mwah*

ME: (super mega confused) What's this???

JM, AL, SIR J, MAITA, and SHAYNA laughing.
Concert ends...

Next thing I knew, I was in a meeting with the officers of the UP STREETDANCE CLUB.

-Now that's why I have a great FEAR of SHORT CUTS!!!

BREathe Rosselle....breathe

2004-05-31T21:28:00.001+08:00

KIDS and TRUE JOY

Is it just me or everybody else? I can't stop myself from being too attached with kids. I've been assisting Ate Mycs' in her Kids Streetdance class in QC Sports Club, and yesterday, after the recital, I couldn't help but get teary-eyed when it was time to say goodbye. Oh yes, those kids were really MAKULIT (SEE?? I even used CAPITAL LETTERS for this description), but after a few sessions even Ate Mycs noticed that I was really enjoying being with them, although that meant a lot of seemingly-unanswerable-and-out-of-this-world questions from them.And just like we've thought...in the end, I had a hard time letting go of those kids. If I could just take them home!!!

And tomorrow, ABS-CBN CCAI's recital would conclude my happy and wacky days with Joshua, Angelica, Kyle, Monchoy, Sidney, Khrisma, Isabel, Marielle, Kris, Alex, Naomi, Eiji, Erika, GEchelle, Gio, JB, Michael, Kiko,and Sabrina. (See what I mean?? I even got their names memorized!) Take note: I just spent 5 days with them for the whole 17-day workshop!! I was supposed to smile during our picture taking session with the kids a while ago after their run through, and I was really forced to. Good thing I wasn't such a drama queen, or else, tears would be rolling down my cheeks, and Studio 1 will experience the Great Flood.

huhuhu (I hope you know what this onomatopeaia means) ='( >>>TEar!!

I will surely miss MY (emphasis on this word makes me feel a lot better) kids...

2004-05-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

GRACE and its GREAT EFFECTS

Oh look at this blog...looks like it has been unnoticed for SOOOO long...hehe. I can't blame myself, I was too busy with school, summer class you know (boring...) Anyway, good thing I was able to finish everything before I headed to baguio last May 14 for campus harvest! I really can't tell you how exciting the conference went. There were about 2,000 young people gathered in the room. I had goosebumps everytime a pastor cAme up on stage and spoke words of encouragement. Everyone was just jumping, screaming and praising GOd. Oh how great!!! The pastors literally had to request those in the balcony to stop jumping or else the convention center would collapse.

God is really so great. I got exempted from my Final exams..Woooohoooo. How great can that get? I had a breathe of fresh air in Baguio...got the latest fashion wardrobe at a very low price in UKAY ..and the best thing: KFC's Chicken Fillet Burger was not sold out there!! Good thing Baguio people don't go to KFC often (probably because it's on the far end of Session Road, hehe..) Going to Baguio has always been a really FUN experience!!

BUt now, I'm off to work again. I realized I haven't completed my 100hour requirement for Central..and take note, everyone has exceeded their quotas. Oh well, I have valid reasons for that. i just hope there'll be time for me to cope up.
www.hiddenpane.blogspot.com <---check this blog out.

To Threen Macy, I admire your love for your mom threen. You are truly one of a kind. I'm sure your mom cried when she saw your work published, more so because it was about her. You are really one MALUPIT writer. can we have private sessions?weeheee, I wanna go back to my writing days again. YOu make me miss those days a lot!!!

Threen.. my niece and my youngest sister are so hooked up with CHicoSci, and guess what? THey want to meet up with your brother, Kuya MOng. My youngest sister even confessed that she enjoyed kuya mong's part in StreetFuzion 4..the MOST..And They are actually requesting for an autographed CD of ChicoSci..speaking of connections, they are begging me to talk to you about it.Hehe, just wanted you to know..I agree to what you've said...THEY'RE SO HIGHSCHOOL!!!

2004-04-04T02:45:00.000+08:00

ECSTATIC about CAMPUS HARVEST!!

one more week.. o yeah, and I'm off to school again. Guess what? Instead of enjoying the beach, I'm gonna be stuck with school. What a fun way to spend my summer. Oh, I forgot, it's not gonna be that bad after all, I'm gonna be part of the production team for CAMPUS HARVEST!!YEAY!! I wish Katha joined the auditions..well, not too bad, I'm gonna be with TalentsInC friends and I'm sure they're gonna fill up the space..OH, HOw i Miss KATHA!!!

I hate these pop-ups, I planned to be on-line only for an hour but these pop-ups make me work SOOOOO slow...grrr..whoever appreciate those pop-ups..GET A LIFE!!!

CONVERGENCE tomorrow, it's Victory Christian Fellowship's celebration after a very successful 40days of Purpose campaign. I wish everyone can come, even my mom, my dad, and my youngest sister. I bet it's gonna be a lot fun tomorrow, with the music, the preaching and the surprise presentations. hay..I can't get more excited!!!

Holy Week, time to reflect..hehe, I'm glad I've been prepared for the last few weeks, now I fully understand Holy Week. Thanks to Mel Gibson, Jim Caveziel, and the whole cast and production of The Passion of the Christ, a lot of people have looked at Jesus' sacrifice on the cross on a WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE. i BELIEVE we are more prepared now to reminisce what the sacrifice meant...what a great week to have before the summer class begins!!!

Oh well, I have no choice, I HAVE TO ENJOY my last week of FREEDOM. hehe, I'm getting bitter with my acads (wrong attitude!!).

2004-03-27T02:44:00.000+08:00

COPING UP

huh..i am so great. or should I mean, I feel so great? I survived the law exams..great ME!! Almost lost our dog last night, where in the world has that dog been??? This morning I noticed the dog has a wound on it's neck..whoever had the guts to do that crazy thing to the poor dog, forgive him!!! Anyway, glad she's back..I mean the dog. And I'm also back to my senses...ONE MORE EXAM>>> BREATHE.....

2004-03-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

MIXED EMOTIONS

o yeah, what a day! I think I will get a perfect score in that BA 181 exam..hehe. oh well, not so good, I had an argument with my sister...read:AGAIN. LEt's try to solve this first..SWALLOW MY PRIDE.

2004-03-23T15:45:00.000+08:00

YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH IN HIM

PRAYERS really work, with added FAITH of course. Oh well, I'm just so glad I was exempted from the BA 103 exam. I knew it!! ( o yeah right).But then, I only got a grade of 2...hmmmm, but ma'am said it wouldn't matter much if I take the finals, so why stress out on that right?

I was supposed to watch threen macy's defense at 1pm today, but I decided not to add to her jitters. hehe..oh well, threen, just show them your charm and you'll get away with that (hopefully).

Time to study for tomorrow's real exam, well, kinda real I think, it's open notes you know..hehe. I love Ma'am Zamora, she's one of those professors who make life in UP a little bit easy.

Too hot today..SUMMER'S getting to my skin!! GALERA here I come!!!

2004-03-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

FIRST STEP

hehe...this is my first day. O well, I believe Macy has a point, it's probably time to try out something new. I think I've spoken a lot of words already, writing my thoughts down would be such a great idea!! Now I know why my bes_blockada friends are hooked to this thing. THreen, I owe this all to you..hehehe...

It's almost 12 midnight, I should be checking out the files I've downloaded from my BA103 e-group. But here I am, posting my first on this BLOG.COme on Rosselle, start studying..O well, I have this strong feeling I will be exempted (o come on!!) That's faith.

I am not really on "vacation-mode" yet, but I really don't feel like opening my books and skimming through my notes yet. I'll enjoy this first, hehe. Huh, My suffering with my acads will soon end, but it will start again soon..hehe, I have to take summer classes. I don't want to be delayed for graduation ( O yes Rosselle). Anyway.I think that's it for now.LEt me write more tomorrow. Hope I'll keep track of this.

WORDs of the DAY: "Make believe" and "Pa-AUTOGRAPH" for Macy
PHILIPPIANS 4:13 "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." for myself, Yang, Macy, and all the others who are struggling with the remaining days of this sem.:p